Every paranoid WW2-derived suspicion of Japan’s inherent barbarism and depravity you’ve ever harboured may well be confirmed by a glance at the Japanese Banquet of Cannibalism.

Clearly determined to dispel any perceptions of themselves as basically a bunch of twisted sickos, they’ve now pioneered a new gastronomic delight to cater for those of you who’d like to simulate cannibalism without actually killing anyone. The ‘Nyotaimori’, for those of you yet to have the pleasure, is a culinary experience whereby the restaurant serves up sushi and sashimi on a live, naked female body.

Sinister as that may sound, it’s genteel stuff compared to their latest wheeze, whereby a ‘body’ is made from food and placed on an operating table, as in a hospital. One may ‘operate’ on the thing to one’s heart’s content by cutting the thing open and eating whatever lurks inside: the body will actually bleed as you open it, and the intestines and organs therein are edible. Before you get all judgmental, it’s worth bearing in mind that anyone who eats meat is involved in an equally ghoulish process (and no, I’m not a veggie). See for yourself at http://www.weirdasianews.com/2006/11/08/japanese-banquet-of-cannibalism/

On a nicer note, those smashing people at Ann Summers have come up with an intriguing variation on the best-selling Rampant Rabbit, entitled ‘The Wave’. The thing comes replete with ‘multi-speed buzzy ears’ and a ‘unique multi-ripple shaft’: some inkling of how it actually works in practise can be gleaned from the display ad at www.annsummers.com/wave/

And, just to restore the cheerful theme, I’ll draw your attention to a new reality-TV channel in Germany which is devoted exclusively to ageing, dying and mourning. It will furnish viewers with a non-stop 24-hour diet of documentaries devoted to deaths and funerals, as well as helpful tips about finding a retirement home or nursing care. “We are all the same, we will all die” philosophically explains the channel’s founder, Herr Wolf Tilmann Schneider. There’s one to watch on a nice night in with a bottle of Shiraz, then: you can get the full lowdown at http://www.spiegel.de/international/zeitgeist/0.1518.490174.00.html

Till next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.

Craig Fitzsimons